Bridges

In my ignorance, and naivety, I had believed. In people, in kindness, in friendship, in a better world. In making a difference, in a two-way street. In my ignorance, and naivety, I dreamt of a better world, where human beings learn to be humane.

Deutschland was for me a bubble of air. Of fresh air, that I desperately needed. It was a mirror to a better, civilised world, which I carried inside me and secretly wished to be real. It was the country that I feel in love with, which showed me that yes, there can be a better world.

Human beings are way too superficial. Individualistic, blind, focus on the material part of life. I don’t think that there is a divinity to blame the things that happen to us; the only one who is to blame is us, our decisions, our trains that we didn’t take on time, our blindness in front of our fragility and our inability to think of our own consequences. The faculty that we didn’t graduate, the scholarship that we didn’t take, the courses that we didn’t end, the people that we were too afraid to let in our lives, the words that we were unable to utter on time, the job that we didn’t take. It is the butterfly effect that shapes our lives, the actions that we do, the actions of other people who contribute to our lives. If people made the right calls, stop caring of their own interests, and break that bubble of ignorance, do their jobs as they should be done, without hiring “acquaintances”/doing things superficial, yes there would be a better world. ... We blame God for our faults, for our ignorance, or when things go too far, when it is too late, instead of blaming us for every wrong decision.

6 years ago, 1^st of March taught me that life is too damn short and fragile. From time to time I ask myself what will I leave behind me. How do I want (my) people to remember me? What will it be my heritage? What will it be the difference that I made to the world? What have I taught, what have I learnt? What was the meaning for life for me? Will I be able to say ... 

"And did you get what 

you wanted from this life, even so? 

I did. 

And what did you want? 

To call myself beloved, to feel myself

beloved on the earth." (Raymond Carver)

 ... “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” I have always been an artist, where philosophy and art had more meaning to me than the absurd routine of an ordinary human being. I have always tried to say a story – through my words, my gestures, my silence. I have always searched for strange, unique, colourful people. That was my strength and my rope, my bridge, and at the same time my sinking ship. And now, in my experience, and search for happiness, and meaning, I know that 90% of humans are too blind and materialistic, but I do still believe in the rest – in my people, in people able to make a difference, in kindness as a sign of humanity and civilisation, in that kind of friendship that teaches us that “simple, grey people come and go. And sadly, most of us are like this. However, best ones – full of colours, who think outside the box, and want to make a difference with and inside their lives – always stay.” And if there is somewhere in this world a better country, with the things that I strongly believed from the beginning, we should try to be that kind of people that we want us to be and to discover in our journeys.