We Have All the Time in the World ...

Cum ar fi dacă am avea tot Timpul din lume? Daca mormanul de carti care creste si creste nu ar mai fi o problema si am putea citi pentru totdeauna, toate cartile din lume care merita a fi citite. Daca tot stresul care s-a facut simtit in aceasta saptamana, care ma sufoca, n-ar mai fi sub taiusul Timpului, si am avea tot timpul din lume sa ne maturizam, sa crestem, sa ne dam o disertatie, un examen, sa fim ceea ce am vrea sa fim? Daca am stii ca indiferent ce, vom avea tot Timpul din lume sa le spunem prietenilor nostri cat de mult ii iubim, sa le asteptam iertarea, sa fim siguri ca undeva, in viitor, lucrurile vor fi de ambele parti mai bune, mai luminoase, daca am avea tot timpul din lume sa le aratam cine suntem cu adevarat, sa le aratam de ce si cum, sa le dovedim cat de mult inseamna pentru noi, sa le spunem, sa ne spuna …

Numai ca nu avem tot timpul din lume. De asta poate iubesc atat de mult cantecul acesta … We have all the time in the world … stresul va fi mereu prezent in vietile noastre, timpul ne va presa mereu; in fiecare zi, anotimp, sau an va fi ceva ce am uitat sa spunem, sau nu am avut curajul sa spunem, cartile vor creste, vor creea noi intrebari, noi punti, noi Ego-uri, prietenii de moment vor pleca, cei adevarati vor ramane. Pentru totdeauna. Totdeauna … oare cat inseamna asta? Cati ani? Fiecare avem un alt totdeauna, pe langa care trecem in fiecare zi … unii il au pe “totdeauna” de 100 de ani, altii de 50, unii de 30, altii de o zi … si intotdeauna vom avea in suflet zambetele care ne-au dat puterea de a merge mai departe, zambetele care ne-au facut mai buni ...

Adevarul gol golut, asa cum Toni Morrison spunea, e ca “today is always here. Tomorrow is never here.” Am avut un vis ciudat zilele trecute … a war and a green everlasting peace. A past and a Future … hopefully, a Future. Why not? Because as I said somewhere, I remember – past, present, future. And I want that Future.

 Dar pana atunci, in acest “today”, prezent mereu,  hai sa incercam sa fim un pic mai buni, sa dam un pic mai mult, sa facem lucrurile asa cum trebuie, sa spunem te iubesc mai des, prin cuvinte sau gesturi … Let it be PEACE. Asta e ceea ce-mi doresc cel mai mult, asta-mi lipseste, asta m-a ademenit, candva, demult, in alta viata parca … peace. Suna bine, nu?

We have all the time in the world … to hope, to love, to care, to save, to be saved, to forgive, to be forgiven, to teach, to learn. Why not? ...

How to Fight the Loneliness?

How to fight loneliness? /Smile all the time/Shine your teeth till meaningless/And sharpen them with lies/And whatever is going down/Will follow you around/ That's how you fight loneliness …

 

Viata e grupata pe mai multe nivele, etape, stari, experiente. Viata iti poate arata o Realitate altfel decat cea banala, cotidiana, intalniri, organizare; viata poate fi si un joc de supravietuire, si atunci cand cunosti si aceasta parte, stii ce mai descoperi inauntrul tau? TEAMA. Ca vei pierde toate fericirea data de umanitate, de lucrurile marunte. Pentru ca constientizezi ca toata stabilitatea data de cei apropiati, ca toata stabilitatea din viata ta, e un simplu domino, ca TOTI oamenii la care tii te pot dezamagi/parasi/disparea. Intr-o fractiune de secunda, printr-o simpla bataie de palme, din partea … oare din partea cui?

In mijlocul tacerii adormite din suflet, descoperi superficialitate – in minte, pe bloguri, in gesturi, in carti, pe bancile facultatii, in cuvinte, in suflet. Si M-AM SATURAT de ea. Atat de satula, incat as vrea sa o sfasii, sa o rup in bucatele mici si sa-i dau drumul sa zboare pe fereastra ... Oriunde intorc capul, orice idee care se zbate pentru a fi expusa, orice incercare de a gasi SACRALITATEA in rutina, sfarseste printr-o intalnire cu superficialul. E un joc barbar, din care ai vrea sa evadezi, in care ai vrea sa-ti pastrez integral, nepatat, propriul Ego. Si unde sunt, cum sunt, cine mai sunt? Reflexia celor apropiati, cochilia in care m-am nascut, Singuratatea din fiecare astfel de zi, cu care te lupti, o ignori, o maschezi, o retusezi 18 ore pe zi. 18, pentru ca noaptea, macar noaptea e a ta … fara masti, fara cuvinte colorate, fara lupta de a mai supravietui …

Astazi e o zi de 13, si poate ca starea mea de spirit a fost influentata de “ghinionele” aduse de aceasta zi. Macar azi, sa am dreptul sa fiu superstitioasa – pastrand astfel vie speranta ca maine, va fi soare din nou, ca ma voi simti in siguranta, ca ma voi putea deschide celor apropiati fara teama de a fi expusa public, ca maine superficialitatea data de oameni insignifianti va fi spalata de un strop, un mic strop de eternitate.  

How to fight the loneliness, in a jungle world? How to fight it when you fall, when you are scared, when people forget a thing or two from your life? Well, you simply stop fighting it. You simply kneel and accept it, as a part of your own being ...   

 

Sweet Dreams ...

Dreams don’t create Reality. But dreams can shape It. What is Real, what is not? If Reality equals Eternity, who is eternal in our lives? Happiness/Unhappiness – there is just a step, a tiny one between them. My week, like always, was full of work, of deadlines, of books, of thoughts, of feelings. And in a way, I’m happy ...

I have the custom to analyze every event, every thought, every feeling. This week I heard the following lines, in an episode from Grey’s Anatomy:

 “It's a common belief that positive thinking leads to a happier healthier life. As children we are told to smile, be cheerful, and put on a happy face. As adults we are told to look on the bright side, to make lemonade, and see glasses as half full. Sometimes reality can get in the way of our ability to act the happy part though. Your hope can fail, boyfriends can cheat, friends can disappoint. It's in these moments, when you just want to get real, drop the act, and be your true scared unhappy self.”

Owing to this theme, I liked and I missed Grey. I talked with people that Time changed them, people absorbed by their own dreams, cutting the link with reality. I talked with dear ones, trying to believe; for me Reality has always been more powerful than safety, dreams, or happiness. So I want to believe, not in them, but in their Eternity/Friendship.

But as I was trying to say here, we need, we really need to have our feet on the ground in order to be happy, to appreciate, to see, to touch Happiness. There are people that keep on dreaming without thinking of the things that they must sacrifice in order to succeed; ironic, because of this, they will never realize what they want. There are other people, like me, who are too anchored in a world without dreams, where every step leads to another one, and still they are afraid that the next step will lead them to a new fall.

What do we do then? What do we do when we believe that our Present Happiness will be here Forever? Or, on the contrary, what do we do when we believe that our Present Happiness (if there is any), or our moments of Happiness will be lost in Grief, in Unhappiness, in Loneliness? Between Believing too much, and Not Believing, which one is safer?

“Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple - to be happy. Maybe it's this expectation though of wanting to be happy that just keeps us from ever getting there. Maybe the more we try to will ourselves to state's of bliss, the more confused we get - to the point where we don't recognize ourselves. Instead we just keep smiling - trying to be the happy people we wish we were. Until it eventually hits us, it's been there all along. Not in our dreams or our hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar.” (Grey)

Reality has got different shapes, one color. Reality is the land of nightmares and hope, of feelings and thoughts. And Dreams can shape reality. If they are strong enough, if we really believe in them, if we have our feet on the ground, and give everything … for a dream.