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February 21, 2010

A Day to Remember

The sadness has got new tears
Now they're falling gently on the grown
So invisible and clear
Days. Fading away, blossoming in ourselves, being part of our stories. Each of us has days that pass away without memories, as we all have days full of sufferings, that we only want to erase from ourselves. Who needs them? And there are also days that live forever in ourselves, for their beauty, for their passion, days that wear the initials of Beginning. The Beginning. Our Beginning. Let’s not call them “my days”, let’s just name them Days to Remember.

I could start with Birthdays. We’ve all got a day once in a year when we should have the right to be selfish, to do anything we want, in which we simply see and feel people who remember ... Friends’ birthday – let’s just show them how much they mean to us, let's just try to build up  - for them and for us - new Memories, because at the end, these are the only things that we really have in life .


We shouldn't forget the moment of today, the moment of each day, day after day - be open to build up new memories, because ...





"We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time."



 


21st February. Not my birthday. Just A Day to Remember. A day which has escaped time, a day which offered me My Beginning … -  to dreams, to destiny, or to destruction. The Road to Hell, or to Heaven. It encloses in itself, in that tiny memory all that you feel in yourself, all the Passion, all the Joy, all the Feelings deep down, from yourself. Feelings that cannot be destroyed, feelings from which all your energy begins ...  feelings that have escaped and offered your salvation.  



24 hours each year to remember that half an hour, half an hour from which it has emerged many days, from weeks to years. Don't we all have Days to Remember? Because ...


“Sometimes, no matter how much faith we have, we lose people. But you never forget them. And sometimes, it's those memories that give us the faith to go on.”
Just think, try to search the root of memories, and search deep inside of you for these tiny moments. Every year, today, I stop, I take a bow in front of memories, and a long breathe. What have I done since then? Who am I now, what was I then? Have I done a mistake, have I … but most of all, with all the people that I wear inside of me, with all my Egos and my memories, with every piece of me, with my joy and my pain, with all these on my shoulders, can I succeed?

 





 



February 17, 2010

Road to Monotheism ...



“Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.”



These days I have discovered that I’m an adept of monotheism, of number One. You know all those stories and search, to be liked by everyone, to be perfect for everyone. In kindergarten, I listen to children who want to be friends with everyone, who cry that “X” or “Y” doesn’t like them. But how many people can we carry with us, in our journey? How many people can we remember, how many people can we feel and how many humans can feel and hear us ?


I think people are unique. We are the same, true, but there is something unique in each of us. People cannot be replaced, a X-person cannot be there as a Y-person, something that happened once has its intimacy, its magic, its story. It’s like Plato’s ideas - while you are trying to duplicate something or someone, that special thing is lost.


A God, a Satan, a friend, a teacher, a … A. One - nothing more, nothing less. And maybe this is the way I am acting in this marvelous society. You know that feeling, when you are with a person, and you share the same/different views, when you feel there, when you don’t observe the difference among people, because there are only two worlds in front of you ... And you know that feeling, when there are 3 persons, or more, when you retreat and become silent, when you only listen and observe, when you lose ... something that cannot be named ...



Every period from our lives is under the influence of One. Or Nothing. When we look in our history, we remember a person from an age – I choose One. Not many. The fact is that you don't have time and energy for being there for everyone, you don't have time to love, to carry and  let you be carried on the road to Life. Or to Hell. People have to choose their own roads, and in these roads, we meet and we ... depart, from others like us.  

What happens when One disappears? Sometimes words are not enough. Sometimes we are simply caged among the others, caged within ourselves, locked far away from ... one. One God, one Love, one. And the road to Monotheism, becomes the road to Nothingness.  

 

February 12, 2010

Ithaca
















Ithaca


Constantine P Cavafy




When you set out for Ithaka
ask that your way be long,
full of adventure, full of instruction.
The Laistrygonians and the Cyclops,
angry Poseidon - do not fear them:
such as these you will never find
as long as your thought is lofty, as long as a rare
emotion touch your spirit and your body.
The Laistrygonians and the Cyclops,
angry Poseidon - you will not meet them
unless you carry them in your soul,
unless your soul raise them up before you.


Ask that your way be long.
At many a Summer dawn to enter
with what gratitude, what joy -
ports seen for the first time;
to stop at Phoenician trading centres,
and to buy good merchandise,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensuous perfumes of every kind,
sensuous perfumes as lavishly as you can;
to visit many Egyptian cities,
to gather stores of knowledge from the learned.


Have Ithaka always in your mind.
Your arrival there is what you are destined for.
But don't in the least hurry the journey.
Better it last for years,
so that when you reach the island you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to give you wealth.
Ithaka gave you a splendid journey.
Without her you would not have set out.
She hasn't anything else to give you.


And if you find her poor, Ithaka hasn't deceived you.
So wise you have become, of such experience,
that already you'll have understood what
these Ithakas mean.

February 7, 2010

Ego and ... Mirrors

... I have no Beginning and no End. Who am I?


"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."


Beginnings or a new “hello”, starting-points in search for … us, friends, lovers, entertainment, ordinary life, games; every life is a new story, with no beginning, no end. But every new page has an ending line; every ending line leads to a new chapter. Quo vadis from here, quo vadis from there?


Ignorance is Bliss. I want Hell. If so, then, what am I? I divide myself into two, or three, or thousands of entities and feelings, because with every new person that we meet, we discover something else, a hidden part of us, or just another part of life. But I have always liked to play with … Life. Because life is the only thing that we really possess and feel - its memories with its people, its shapes and colours. Life is hidden in all these, and day after day, we are trying to find its reality, in order to find our  … Ego.  Again, who am I?


“You spend your whole life looking for answers, because you think the next answer will change something, maybe make you a little less miserable. And you know that when you run out of questions you don’t just run out of answers, you run out of hope. You glad you know that?”


I am searching for Meaning. Some of us find it in those “supreme things”, such as family, or God, some of us simply say - “God is dead”.  Human beings can be reflections of meaning. Some people are reflections of coldness – because we need it to survive, to be there for the others, because thoughts are frozen and the only part of us, still alive, is the thinking world. Non-feelings.


Some people are reflections of humanity, of feelings, of what humanity really is in us, so human that neither God nor heroes cannot be accepted … But life isn’t just thoughts and frozen words (or worlds), and stoned souls; but life isn’t just our memories in our present day, because life sometimes means a God, because life sometimes asks us to be heroes once in a while, or life demands us to search for heroes, in order, again, to survive. Frozen souls need gentleness to teach them to keep that tiny part called “humanity” alive. Who am … ?


 “Every life is many days, day after day. We walk through ourselves, meeting robbers, ghosts, giants, old men, young men, wives, widows, brothers-in-love, but always meeting ourselves.”


Art is a part of me, and Literature is … Literature. I like long walks in nature, thinking. I always think of something or someone. Day and night.  Walks with friends, walks with myself. I also love animals - dogs, horses, bears. And children. Laughing all the time with them ...


Words and Silence. Fighting in our souls, trying to escape … Nothingness. Some words are lost forever, some of them echo forever in us; in the end, words, and us, are swallowed by … Silence. There are too many things to be said, too many quotes to be given, too many explanations. I am gravitating around  Mythology, Philosophy, Psychology, History, Human Beings, in order to find … EGO, beyond Silence.


But  “I am one and many” – yesterday, today, tomorrow. I have no boundaries, because The limits of my words are the limits of my world. Wittgenstein. Or is it that … History is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake … (guess we should all awake from it sooner or later)…?


… Who am I, what am I searching? Just Ithaca.

Bird set free

„Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it.” (Daniel Klein) You see, I’ve had a design, and I don’t know where I did wrong. ...